Lets start at last friday:
Last friday was quite a sad day for me. It was the final day of school (before summer break). If you are a normal high-schooler you would be absolutly thrilled with the idea of not having to go school again for two months. That is not me, at all.I was on the edge of crying all day. It started durring my english final. I started thinking of summer and what it would be for me. It hit me all in one slow shake- my life for the next two months in ending. There would be no more talking with friends. No more going to friends houses afterschool. No more arguing with my chemistry teacher. These things were all trivial compared to my next thought, which was the most devastating to me. No more seeing Zack everyday. I almost started crying just at that very thought, let alone with all the other thoughts I was having. I mean seriously- I was sooo sad. Then come break time I go and I have to run around the campus and secure my grades for the end of the year. That was very interesting becuase I had to litterally beg some of my teachers to give me the "C-" instead of the "D+". Then came my final class of the year. Guitar. Zack and I sat next to eachother while taking our final, and then we walked back to the guitar class room together. I was so completely sad. After school was even worse. We hung out for about a half hour while I was waiting to be picked up. It was so hard knowing that I would not see him for a while. I felt just like breaking down and crying. We also got in a minifight. I think it was only because we where both so sad at the near future. That night we talked on the phone for a long time, and of course I fell asleep, like always. It was sad because we could pretty much think of a million and a half ways that that day could have gone better, but we blew it. The conversation ended with a glimmer of hope for the future- meaning that we will survive summer vacation... together!
Now I will go on to describe my week at camp being a counsoler.
Sunday morning I had to wake up early so that I could finish packing for "kids camp" trip I would be attending later on that day. We got to the church and left around 11. It was one long car ride up because there were 4 other younger girls in my car who insisted on talking every single second of the 4 hour drive. Once we arrived the true test of my patience started. I had a cabin full of six girls between the ages of 8 and 11, along with a mother who was so fun and goofy she was like a kid.
Through out this week I realized a lot of things about me and other people. I realized that I was extremely lonely. The only real friend that I have a consistant relationship with is Zack. All my friends who are girls, I for some reason cannot connect on a deep level. I want to have a best friend so bad... but all the people that I could see being a potential best friend for me already have best friends. It makes me sad. I really dont have that many friends that I am close to... and I want them soo bad. I also realized that a lot of little children have sooo many problems that they want to talk about- but they have no one to talk to, and then they come to camp. They get a counsoler that shows them just a little love, and boom. They spill their life story. Some of the horrible things that I have heard over the past week has been soo bad that I would just lay in my bunk and cry at times.
Camp over all was a postive experience, I met some pretty cool people that hopefully I will keep in contact with. God did major wonders in the lives of these kids who attended this camp.
When I came home...
I was completely and utterly exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally. All I wanted to do was come home and talk on the phone (with a special you know who), and that is exactly what I did. We have been going out for about two mounths now (actually... two months last thrusday!) Actually, before I got on the phone I had to clean the house. After that though, I was all over that phone.
We talked and talked and talked some more. He read me a poem that he wrote for me. It was absolutely amazing. Seriously- I was like "awwwwww he is soo amazing" in my head. (because he really is =])
and then we started talking about how he talked to his ex this weekend. I dont think he realized how much this absolutely bugged me. I mean, because I love him, I am super duper jealous whenever he even mintions her in the slightest. From what it sounded (what he was telling me about the conversation) It sounds like she likes him again, and although I really have nothing to worry about, because I know he would never cheat on me, just the thought of loosing him makes me want to cry and makes me worry. I dont want you to get me wrong either- I have no doubt in my mind thathe would ever intenetionally hurt me, becuase I know he would never ever do that. Its just, I am soo insecureI think about if I was a boy, and I had a choice between me and her, I would probably choose her. The fact that she lives closer to him and could probably see him more than I could doesnt comfort me at all.
I know him well enough to know that he really despises her. That is a big comfort to me. I just wish I wouldnt be so worried about nothing.
=[
My goodness its amazing how one person can come into your life and completely change it for the better. I could not imagine my life without him and I am so so SO happy he is in my life.
Well... im done with writting for now, I may get back to this sometime soon....maybe not though
-Ashley
Chatboard (1)